Sweat dripped from my brow, soaking my already-drenched uniform top as I stutter-stepped forward, one foot in front of the other, maintaining the cadence I had marked for myself in my mind. That internal metronome was the only thing keeping me standing as my shoes pounded the pavement... that, and the self-consciousness that dominated my thoughts as I felt the presence of my master approaching to jog next to me.
It was July of 1991, and I was a 14-year-old black belt candidate, one of five teens out of what was to become a graduating class of six trained by Kwan Jang Nim Ed Fong that summer. Two weeks before the test, we completed our black belt prep training, of which the penultimate challenge was a 7.5 mile mountain jog along with 1000 kicks, all performed in the lovely California summer heat.
The final mile was a self-paced run. While we began together, my fellow candidates and the cadre of black belt seniors eventually all spread out and I found myself running alone, neither in the lead nor trailing, until Master Fong passed me running (in the opposite direction) towards the rear of the line to check on those behind me, and then made his way up the line to run next to me.
Not one for small talk, Master Fong began teaching as he ran. He praised me on how far I had come and how much improvement I had made in the months prior to the test. He noticed how much stronger I had become by pushing myself beyond the physical, using the power of my mind to overcome the cries of fatigue that my body screamed throughout my consciousness.
And then he told me that there were still places that I needed to explore before I could truly be ready - that once I had given everything that I had in me to give, and then pushed further to unlock the power of the human spirit within me, I would discover the limitless reservoir of energy that would help me to reach for greatness. Only then could I feel like I had earned the belt. Only then would I be ready.
Hearing that opened up something inside of me. I don't fully remember how or why. It just happened. No longer did I feel the conflict and despair of a child complaining about his sore feet, tired muscles, and drained reserves. The haze of my exhaustion cleared into a simple thought: choose, and act.
I chose.
I told Master Fong that I was going in search of it, that I would see him at the parking area where we began - and then I sprinted (or what felt like it) for the remaining half-mile all the way back to a squad of my seniors cheering me in.
I did it. I found what I was looking for.
It would be two more weeks before I got to wear one, but when I look back, I earned my black belt that day. Since that sprint 20 years ago, every seemingly-impossible challenge in my life has simply been an opportunity to reach into that reservoir to find the strength that I need to go on.
It's not always easy. Sometimes it takes a while for me to find it inside of myself. When I embark on new endeavors, my travels lead me away from familiar territory and I struggle to find my way back, but each day, I tap into the same force of will now as I did back then.
I succeed each day because I choose to.
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